little bird i invite you

a new season.

2009-04-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

This is best read while listening to the song "Comptine d'un autre été, l'après-midi" by Yann Tiersen and can be found on the soundtrack of Amélie. Please qeue appropriately and then continue on. :) So, my blog is going in a new direction. There is so much to write about that I don't even know where to start. First of all I guess I should address my title. A new season of my life has begun. A time where I'm going to attempt to strip from myself of all the things that I worship in unhealthy ways...my image. Things I let come between me and God. Sins I have rooted myself in that have allowed me to grow crookedly and allow me to see my life in a skewed way. Over the past couple weeks and 8 more to come I've been participating on the general track in Redemption Groups at Mars Hill Church. During these sessions I've been broken down and forced to evaluate and expose all of my sins and the sins that have been committed against me...to other people. In this case, since the actual groups were too full (I'm joining an official one in the Fall), I'm on the general track which means I attend the sessions where the leader speaks and instead of breaking off after the talk into group, my best friend Rachael and I break off and do the group together. The actual groups have leaders who are trained and are counselors. But this time with Rachael has been so great. We've been able to remove that "image" we put up to protect ourselves and have been truly and vulnerably real with each other. Our first task was to tell your group (in our case just Rach and I) your story. They talk about your story as being a series of dots. Your story is basically you going all the way back to when you were first sinned against or sinned and sharing those things and how God has redeemed you or how you are working on it with God right now. But you have to be real, brutally honest, and so in my story there were so many dots I'm just now discovering. I haven't even begun to connect them. I knew the big ones but as I evaluate them, new ones are popping up all over the place....eventually leading me to where i am now. I'm going to share that story at the end of my 8 weeks and hopefully be able to give a cohesive account of God's work in my life so far. I share the raw unconnected version with Rachael and cried almost my whole way through it. I am praying for strength the whole way through this time in my life and I truly feel like He's given me a new heart. It's so hard to explain right now. I've recently had to re-write my testimony for church membership and wanted to share what I wrote. "Just setting up the story, I grew up in a home that was both non-religious (my dad a non-practicing Catholic and my mom a non-practicing protestant) and a very unstable environment. My father was and remains an alcoholic and my mother really went (and still does) through emotionally unstable times all throughout my childhood and suffered from random bouts of depression. To top it off, my parents were always on the verge of a maybe divorce. While my parents loved me and my brother and thought they were doing the best for us, I grew up with a lot of pain, insecurities, and the inability to express my feelings. We were never encouraged to say what we thought or think for ourselves so it's been something I've had to learn recently. As a result, I didn't have any concept of God or had really even thought about it. I filled my free time with sports and a friend on my team invited me to church when I was in the sixth grade. I attended and learned all about who God was, the character of Jesus and how He had saved me. It was a lot to take in. While I thought I had become what I consider now to be a Christian, I was really just beginning to understand what it meant. At the time I was a surface "Christian" and got baptized, joined my church, and all through middle school and high school did the social/super involved/super Christian thing. Never really developing my personal relationship with God. I just didn't understand. Then when I graduated from high school I attended a youth evangelism conference called "DCLA" and it was there I learned that what I was, wasn't a true Christian. My life got turned upside down during my realization. I went to college away from family and friends in CA and it was there that I experienced the lowest low in my whole life. God broke me. He broke everything I knew to be true about myself and about Him. I spiraled into a deep depression as I pulled away from Him in anger and frustration and was completely lost and sad. I had thoughts of suicide, not so far as to plan anything out or things like that, but it was enough. During those darkest moments, I was able to turn to God and I cried out many times for Him to be there with me...and He was. 1 Peter 2:9-10 were the verses that I turned to and was able to relate to the most. The idea that I am God's people and He chose ME. He loved me so much that he called me out of my darkness and into HIS wonderful light. He saved me again. It was here that I started from scratch. I graduated, moved home and settled into life with new perspective and a new love for God. It was more real than I have ever experienced in my previous 10 years as a "christian." I started attending Mars Hill shortly after and began to grow deeper in my knowledge of God and learning the bible and it has been here over the past 3 years that I've been rebuilding my relationship with God and I've been learning SO much here. God has been SO merciful and so gracious to me and loves me SO much. And throughout my journey I know that I STILL have so much to learn and have a lot more growing to do." Friends & anonymous readers, I ask for your prayers! :)

love.

2009-01-19T23:40:00.001-08:00

love yourself. love your enemies. love deeply. love compassionately. love unselfishly. love one another. love them from the center of who you are and let your love be genuine. this is what we are to be doing and you really can't go wrong when you love others. God is love.

Gap's Color Concept

2009-01-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

If you’re looking to beat the winter blues in New York City this season, check out the Gap & Pantone T-Shop, located at Gap’s rotating concept store on 54th Street and 5th Avenue, adjacent to it’s flagship. The location will feature a cheerful palate of tees from Gap’s upcoming spring collection in true Pantone colors, including a limited-edition shirt in Mimosa (Pantone’s color of the year for 2009), which will be available exclusively at the shop. “Mixing Pantone’s vibrant colors with Gap’s signature T-shirts gives everyone an opportunity to find the perfect tee they can mix and match for their own personal style,” said Patrick Robinson, the executive vice president of design for Gap. The shop will be open today through February 8th and will carry both men’s crewneck T-shirts for $18 as well as women’s V-neck T-shirts for $18.50 http://fashion.elle.com/blog/2009/01/gaps-color-concept.html

tattered sofa chair.

2009-01-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I want to crawl into my hoodie and not come out. It’s so comfortable in here and I am protected, at least in my head, from all uncomfortable situations and judgements that this world brings me. I keep taking breaks from writing this to place my hands around my deep blue ceramic coffee cup, soaking in the warmth from the freshly brewed coffee. It travels like electricity from my fingertips up along my arms and with it, raising my hair follicles. Not quite, but almost like watching dominoes falling in reverse. I am here at this coffee shop to work on a t-shirt design for threadless.com. I am not sure what I am going to do conceptually, so while I figure that out, I thought I would release a little energy by writing. I’m listening to Iron and Wine because their music moves the creative parts of me that have crawled deep into the caverns of my soul. I feel alive when i listen to them and full of new ideas and perspectives. With music I see life differently. It’s kind of like looking at an old sofa chair and seeing dust and germs and ickyness, but if I looked at that same sofa chair while listening to music that inspires me, I see a worn out seat where numerous people of all ages have sat and shared pieces of their heart to someone else, or the deep richness of the colors and patterns that make up the facade of the chair, or even the fuzzy and complex texture that give the material it’s worth. If I could always view the world in this way, why take out my earbuds?

love, love, love, love, love....love.

2008-12-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

Today was the first time I’ve been to church in about three Sundays. I’ve come to realize that is three Sundays too long. I’ve also let myself go as far as eating healthy and exercising. I had a pretty good routine going while living at my other apartment. But i know it’s been the holidays and schedules and routines have been altered and while that’s really no excuse, it’s the truth. I should be able to keep a routine in eating and exercising no matter what’s going on in my life. So, my goal is to get my health and spiritual life back on track. I haven’t been talking to God lately and after going to church today, I’ve realized how much I need Him. When I leave church I always feel so vulnerable and happy about it. I feel like I want to be a better person, improve on the things that I have been lacking in, wanting to discover and develop the things I don’t have a lot of strength in or confidence to find. I want to be able to put myself out there in the world and be something. I know that what I’m doing right now, i’m important, but all of what I’ve acquired has almost been handed to me on a plate in terms of jobs. I mean I might be shorting myself a little credit because I’ve excelled at those jobs and kept them but I guess I just don’t understand the situation that i’ve put myself into. It’s not a bad one, just not how I envisioned I guess. In church today, we talked about spiritual gifts and more specifically service. Pastor Chris was talking about some people in our church who have that gift and who serve unselfishly and give up their time without a second thought. They serve because serving means love. And loving is the most important thing we are to be doing. More recently I’ve been having an itch and burning desire to get the word “love” tattooed on my body...my temple...that God has blessed me with. I think that it has become so apparent to me that I need to love, love, love...no matter how difficult it is at the time. I’ve been trying to be more aware lately. The way I interact with people. Searching for ways to improve. Soon, it will be a new year and with that year, new things are coming. I will be hoping for a lot of growing and new opportunities. I will also be praying that God will guide me in everything I do. Or maybe I should be praying for the strength to LET God guide me. Who do I think I am anyways? lol. :) Cheers and happy new year!

unknown.

2008-12-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

So, I hate when I get too frustrated that I can't focus on anything but what's bothering me. I hate that I get this way and how I sometimes can't control my feelings. The only way to remove myself from the current situation and pray that God takes my anger away. Or, I guess this is my way of venting when those people are in the same room with me??! It's so hard for me to share when I'm upset sometimes because it's usually not something that the person did necessarily but how i'm handling the information and responding. Usually I'm able to realize right away that it's not them, it's me and I don't get too upset...only at myself, but in this case I'm not feeling it was my problem, it was really them. Except after i've been typing this I feel incredibly calmer and not as angry. I love how this works. I'm glad I don't get angry too often.

In other news, Kai just told me what she's getting me for Christmas and it's tickets for us to go to the Rosie Thomas and Damien Jurado concert that's here in Seattle this Sunday! It's the same day as our Housewarming/Open House party. The party ends at 5pm and the concert starts at 830 so it's going to be a close call but we're going to make it happen, that's for sure.

Also in addition to the list of events, my new apartment is pretty cool. I really enjoy living here and I always can't wait to come home and just be. Which it wasn't like that at my last apartment. I definately don't think I was cut out to live alone. I mean, I was technically rarely alone there but not living with at least some other person was kind of lame.

We're catching up on 24 season 6. Getting ready for the start of season 7 that starts sometime in January. I heard that it's a four hour season opener, split between two nights in a row. I can't wait. It's going to be an exciting season...per usual. Rachael and I got kind of burnt out from 24 for a while. We went through seasons 1-6.5 in about a month. I don't know how we stopped in the middle of a season. Kind of weird. We were trying to figure that out...but all that matters is that we're getting season 6 watched. As long as we're talking about tv shows, I'm 3/4 of the way through Arrested Development and man that's a funny show. I've always heard wonderful things about it and it always won so many awards when it was airing so I've been excited to watch it. The characters are SO weird and quirky but SO funny. Haha. I'm kind of bummed that it only lasted 3 seasons. The next shows I'd like to watch are Entourage, It's always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Gossip Girl. I don't know if everyone has heard of this but the website www.hulu.com has all the shows you'd ever want to watch and it's actually legal. The site is supported by all major networks so that's nice. I've heard that it's super up and coming and they are predicting that it's going to someday surpass YouTube. Yikes!

Ok well I think that's enough ranting for now. Until later I guess...

Secrets

2008-11-30T22:45:00.000-08:00

“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition- that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are- even if we tell it only to ourselves- because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being a human is all about. Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where are secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is all of our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.“ - Fredrick Buechner

How He Loves Us

2008-11-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

I never really wish I could sing like people, but i saw this on someone elses blog and as I was watching and getting goosebumps and appreciating God, I wished that I could sing like her. To be able to worship God like this. I know that He loves me the way I am and if He had wanted me to have a voice like that, He would have done so, but I still can't help my desires to be able to belt it out and sing.

LIttle Sister

2008-11-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

Little Sister Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So, knock knock knockin on his door again last night, said you needed it bad- you know that ain't right 'Cause so many times you've come to me cry-crying trying to stop. you said it hurts so bad But please don't let you go back for more My little sister is a Zombie in a body with no soul in a role she has learned to play in a world today where nothing else matters but it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls Not our addiction or afflictions of pain to avoid the same questions we must ask ourselves to get any answers We gotta start feeding our souls have been lost to the millions with lots who feed on addiction selling pills and what's hot I wish I could save her from all their delusions all the confusion of of a nation that starves for salvation but clothing is the closest to approximation to God and He only knows that drugs are all we know of love Every day we starve while we eat white bread and beer instead of a hadshake or hug We spill the pills and sweep them under the rug My little sister is a Zombie in a body with no soul in a role she has learned to play in a world today where nothing else matters but it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So's Knock, knock, knockin' on his door again last night Said you needed more

-Jewel

I was just listening to this song at work and it almost made me choke up. I have to start loving people more and start going out of my way to do so. Even if I don't want to sometimes.

Twilight

2008-11-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't really have a lot of expectations for the film because of all of the disappointed fans reviewing it. I went with my friend Kai who has not read any of the books and it was really interesting during the film because I'd be sitting there groaning because of my disapointment with how they chose to represent something and Kai would be groaning in angst because of how good she thought the story was and she was hurting with the characters and events happening. A few of the scenes that I thought were special and important were downplayed and some of the scenes I found irrelevant to the telling of a good tale were amplified. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it also. AND AND AND Kai is now a fan. After the movie we went straight to Target to buy her a book so she could get started on the plane to Palm Springs tomorrow...I'm willing to bed she's already started reading since she got home. haha. :) So they did something right! PLUS, how beautiful is Washington? I mean, really. Although I will give credit to Oregon for offering their beautifulness to the movie too, even though they weren't really credited. I guess that's all on that.

I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted and have to rest up for Thanksgiving.

Barack Obama, the President of the United States

2008-11-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

living with my parents

2008-11-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I don't have too long to write because I have to be at work in 20 minutes, but I've just started using the starbucks reward card and so I get up to two free hours on the internet for free. So I have decided to embrace this generosity and attempt to start blogging every morning. This will take place of me napping in the parking lot of Starbucks every morning. If i leave earlier from my house, traffic isn't so horrible. The only catch is that I get to Seattle about an hour before I start working. This is going to be great. :)

I've been living with my parents over the past week and I have this week as well until I officially move into my new apartment. And let me just tell you what I've learned over this past week: My parents and I were not meant to live together. :) I just cringe when they say things sometimes. I strongly dislike half the things they say or do so it's been frustrating having to hold in my negative words and attitude towards it. I know that it will cause nothing but arguments or hurt feelings. So instead I bite my lip and remove myself from the room. They are who they are I guess. It's funny how I didn't expect this. It shows me how much I've grown or changed even in the past year. Interesting. Ok, well I should head to work so I'm not late!

peace.

it's been a little while.

2008-10-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's sure been a while since I've last written. Currently the idea of blogging is not appealing seeing as though my silly "m" key on my laptop has decided to be super sensitive and so every time I hit it, three or more m's appear out of no where!!!!! (5 exclamation marks weren't really necessary but I wanted to be dramatic...I hope it worked. haha.) So why would I want to spill out my life on this lovely blog when I have to delete every other effing "m." So...if you're reading and notice that there are some extra m's somewhere, please don't hold it against me. Thanks.

*currently rotating between the new Ani Difranco album and also the new Laura Veirs album during this blogging session fyi.

So, I'm moving out...again. Lol. I'm tired of my current place and I've decided it's too far away from my family and friends. I like the space itself but there are plenty of other things I don't particularly care for. But I'm not going to dwell on the negatives because i'm moving soon and I don't even care. PLUS with this new apartment my rent will be cheaper because it'll be split between the three of us. Sweet! It's a three bedroom...1300 sq. ft. of lovliness that will be alllll ours very very soon. I'm selling my couch on craigslist. I put it up once for $50 and got like 5 or 6 responses right away. The guy I promised it to backed out last minute so I put it up again this time for $75. I figured since so many people wanted it, they might pay more. :) So again like 5ish people emailed me right away and I gave it to the first guy again. So he's picking it up tomorrow at my apt. Rachael's going to hang with me while this Jack guy comes to pick it up so I don't get murdered...I thought that was a good idea. :) You never know. Craigslist is like breeding ground for crazies and creep-o's. Once I get my couch out of there I can start packing up everything. Move in date is Nov. 8th and I can't even wait. It's kind of funny though because right when we move in, the day after Rachael is leaving for Disneyland for the whole week. She won't even get to enjoy the first week with Mark and I. Bummer. But on TOP of that, Eri, our Japanese friend, is coming to visit and stay with us for like 4 days. So that is super exciting. I really miss her and Yuki. So it'll be really great to see her. Unfortunately her visit will overlap Rachael being in California so that's lame that she won't be able to see much of Eri.

I'm at Zoka coffee working on a logo for a new product line of little shampoos and soaps and stuff you find at hotels that my boss is developing for all of our hotel customers. It's called Coastal Essentials and I'm having a horrible time. I have a couple ok logos but nothing that I've looked at and "known" that it's the right one. It's kind of frustrating when i can't get it right.

ross point.

2008-08-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Tuesday July 1st, 2008 6:04 p.m.

2008-07-20T11:09:00.001-07:00

So I unfortunately do not currently have internet at my apartment. Hmm...let me re-phrase that. I am currently not paying for internet in my apartment but when available, am stealing it from my neighbors. haha. So that alone is a great reason why my blog has been neglected. There are other reasons as well but I’ve decided to just write in my Pages like I would in my blog online and then copy and paste when I have internet...hence the date and time noted at the beginning of each entry. I joined a gym right down the street from work and so I think this will be my new weekly routine. To get up, work out, go to work, after work hit up Starbucks to work on freelance stuff and then go home. I think I just lied, I probably won’t be able to do this every day so maybe it’ll be my half-week routine. There, I feel better. :) So this weekend was Rachael’s 24th Birthday and for her birthday I planned a small road trip down to Portland, OR to camp for the weekend. The itinerary was as follows: Friday: Pick up Mark and leave Everett at 11, arrive in Portland around 3, go to Powell Books for a couple hours, eat dinner at Virginia Cafe, catch the movie Wall•E and then head to our campsite an hour east from Portland on the Columbia River in the Cascade Locks area. We set up camp and just hung out until it was time for bed. Saturday: Primarily planned as a hiking day in and around the area. We’re right near Multanomah Falls and also Beacon Rock State Park so there were plenty of choices. Originally it was going to be Beacon Rock SP but the previous night we drove past Multanomah Falls and were amazed at the HUGE waterfall so we decided to go there first. It was like 95 degrees out and SO HOT...compared to our usual 70 degrees that we’re used to. We hiked about 1.4 miles up to the top of the falls and in the heat it felt like we were going to die...or at least I did! But the views were great and the waterfall itself was beautiful and majestic. We went to Starbucks after that and played some heated Scrabble and then hung our at Borders for a while because they all were air-conditioned. We went back to the campsite where we played a games of Settlers of Catan and then started to put together dinner. Before we left Everett we cut up potatoes, red peppers, pre-cooked meat, green beans, and onions to put into tin foil with seasoning and BBQ sauce and placed it in the fire to cook. It worked really great and we had a nice warm cooked meal. We ate with chopsticks and it was kind of hard but we managed because we’re pretty much pros with the things. haha. After dinner we made birthday smores for Rachael (which were melted along with everything else but still yummy) and sat around the fire. We sat around after that for four-ish hours just talking and it was really a good time. After Mark went to bed (and started snoring really loud) Rachael and I stayed up for a while longer in our tent talking and sharing our thoughts on anything and everything. It was probably the highlight of my weekend. Sunday: We got up around 8 a.m. and packed up, took showers and headed for Portland to hit up Stumptown Coffee where they are named in a Roasting magazine as one of the best coffee roasters in the NW. We got some coffee beans to take home for my french press. The experience of going there was great because I asked them if they have anything they recommend to drink and the guy (which was one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen! ) who was taking my order looked thoughtful for a moment and then said he really likes that I asked that, recommended a special take on a carmel macchiato and then told me that it’s on the house! Awesome. I was ready to accept a proposal on the spot. :) After coffee we went to Imago Dei Community Church, which is a church that the author Donald Miller helped start and is currently his home church. We LOVE Donald Miller’s writing style and the things he has to say so we were so excited to attend a service. It wasn’t really how I imagined it but satisfying. We got on the road with the air conditioning and music blasting and headed back to Seattle concluding a great trip!

2008-06-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

-Winged Sufjan Stevens close up at New York's Town Hall Majesty Songbird Tour.

I smell coffee beans roasting.

2008-06-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

*note: from now on when I'm listening to music and the song changes I'm going to write in parenthesis what I'm listening to - sorry if you find it annoying but I'm loving the idea of it.

(Because - The Bird and The Bee)

FRESH FUNKY BEATS.

Are what I love and i've recently been enjoying a wonderful group by the name "The Bird and The Bee" who have a great song called Because. Now that's some good music. :) Haha.

I'm sitting at the Spotted Cow in Mill Creek and enjoying the smell of the coffee beans roasting. Every once in a while I get the most amazing whiff and it just makes me so happy.

I'm supposed to be working...but whatever. I've instead been reading people's blogs and surfing Facebook, and reading CNN.com then surfing more on Facebook. Some would consider that fairly unproductive, but I like to call it observing human life in it's freest form. Freedom of speech is wonderful. But maybe I just think this to feel justified in spending a lot of time reading about other people. Hmm...

(Viva la Vida - Coldplay)

How cute. One of the employees just walked around the coffee shop putting little lit candles on everyones tables. I love this place. :) But then of course right as I was typing that, the candle went out. Just mine of course. After careful investigation it seems as though you need wax to continue the burning process and mine is seriously lacking in that dept. Bummer. I still appreciate her efforts because I am a person of atmosphere. I love wherever I go to be aesthetically/atmospherically (is that a word?) pleasing. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a snob and judge every room I go into if it's not up to my "standards" (whatever that is) but if I have an opportunity to make it more pleasing to me, I will. Mostly I achieve that with music. Whether it's just putting my ipod in and acquiring those feelings in that way, or turning on my music at

home. It adds a soundtrack to my life and I love it.

I'm really glad it's Friday. This week has felt super long. We're fairly slow at work so the days seem to go by a bit slower than usual. My deadlines aren't as crazy as usual. For example a usual day consists of at least 3 emails that come in at the same time asking me to do something for them ASAP because a customer is waiting for a proof of some artwork or they need a change on something. Which really in itself is not a big deal at all, but when those three emails come in on top of the 7 other people in person asking me for something...it get's a little intense. But this week none of those things happened and therefore it is slow. I have to say though I'm really happy that it's not crazy at work because outside of work seems crazy to me lately.

(Sweet Jane - The Underground Velvet)

My freelance job is really starting to pick up and it's definitely taking a toll on my normal free time. My blog has been suffering, that's for sure. I'm having to work on my time management with my new work schedule.

(Hell No - Sondre Lerche & Regina Spektor)

This weekend my friend Megan is flying in from Chicago. She attends Wheaton and just started their Masters program in Education. She wants to be a history teacher (hardly aligning with my interests). But her little sister is Lauren. She was one of my old middle school girls when I was a small group leader. I was her and other kids' leader from about sixth grade to high school so I am proud to say she is graduating from high school! She got accepted into the UW and I am so proud of who she is and every struggle she's overcome, etc. So Megan was one of my best friends all through high school and most of college. When I moved down to So. Ca. and then when she moved to Chicago, we naturally kind of grew a little apart. Distance is quite the barrier. Anyways, she's back for Lauren's festivities so I'm excited to see her.

(Sweet and Low - Augustana)

So this weekend will be a good time to catch up and visit. Tonight me and Rach have decided to plant ourselves here at the spotted cow until it closes and then we're renting "P.S. I Love You" because we heard it was really good. Saturday Rach's old roommate Candice and her fiance Babbitt (real name Jonathan) are coming down to Babbitts house in Renton (he lives in Canada now after school got done because Candice lives there). They are getting married on June 21st so I can't even wait! But because they are coming into the states they wanted to hang out with us, so we'll grab lunch and play some games or something. Just spend some time with them and talk about how excited they are and squeeze out some wedding details. Then is of course Lauren's grad party on Sunday and then going to my church, Mars Hill. Somewhere in between all the cracks of this weekends happenings I need to work. Ugh. Work, work, work. :)

(All Around Me - Flyleaf)

Anyways, I guess this has been quite a rambling of a post but sometimes it's nice to just let my fingers, mind and heart run and see what comes out. Isn't that the fun of blogging?

While we're on the subject of random, I've taken up cupcake/muffin making. I just bought this book and I just made my very first thing from it, Applesauce and Cinnamon Cupcakes (which are really more muffin-y than anything) and they were super yummy.

Obama Campaign Designers

2008-05-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

I was on Barack Obamas campaign website today just looking around and I was suddenly aware of how amazingly designed everything is. The logo, website, every single aspect of the campaign collatoral...

The designers behind the campaign have custom designed every piece and is done so well. I came across this article/blog entry while trying to find out who designed everything and I think it brings up a lot of good points about how Obamas branding seems to be helping identify him as hip and cultured.

Newsweek - Expertinent: Why the Obama "Brand" is Working

They covered every aspect of the designs from the philosophical implications to suggestions that "there's a risk that such a strong reliance on branding and design encourages the perception that Obama is all style and no substance." And while I think this is a valid thing to bring up, I don't think it's an argument that sticks.

But anyways, the font used on every piece of his collatoral is Gotham which is of course a Hoefler Frere-Jones font.

Random happenings

2008-05-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty jammed pack with interesting events and happenings. This weekend we've had record-breaking temperatures here in Seattle for this time of the year. And actually rarely do we have weather that warm. I believe it reached 90. Of course Rachael and I had planned a hike for Saturday before we realized how warm it was going to be but we went anyways. It was a trail near Bellevue and it was an old mining area so it had a lot of interesting things along the way. It was just 3 miles one way so a total of 6 miles, but when you add a backpack, 90 degree heat and a thick forest that combined with the humidity feels like it's suffocating you - fun wasn't a word i would use to describe our adventures. Haha. It was lovely on the way up but on the way back it started to get a little unbearable. I felt nauseous after we got back to the car from the heat. But looking back I'm glad we went. I got some good experience with my backpack and got to see some interesting things.

After hiking I went to my softball game and that day we only had one game as opposed to our previous games which have been doubleheaders. I play for my church, Mars Hill (the Ballard campus), and I play on the Saturday Co-Ed team. It's really fun and it's been really nice getting to know new people. Plus I just love to play softball so that's probably the best part of course. Here is our team logo on our shirts.

Well, I'd better go. I'm at Zoka's on Greenlake and am here attempting to draw five new maps for the book I'm working on for my client. It's a Sicilian Wineries guide book. Kind of a crazy deadline and here I am blogging and music surfing. Fairly typical.

...in other news

2008-05-16T15:13:00.000-07:00

2008-05-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

I strongly dislike how I get so frustrated and upset with some friendships. I hurt, I tell them how they hurt me, then they are hurt. And visa versa of course. Why does it have to be so hard sometimes?

"I Will Possess Your Heart"

2008-05-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

I pre-ordered and downloaded the newest album from Death Cab for Cutie and wasn't so sure about most of it, but have really connected with the song "I Will Possess Your Heart." Mostly with the video and the bass chords saturating the beginning of the video.

Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart"

As I was watching this video, the girl is shown walking all through town, taking in everything around her. She smells things people are too busy to smell, and sees things people are too wrapped up in other things going on to see, and most importantly, she take the time to do this. It's something I really enjoy doing. Taking a moment where life shifts to slow motion and everything is swirling around you and you have the opportunity to take every second and every piece of it in. I feel more alive than anything when I'm doing this. My most recent notable experience was in Seattle last week when I messed up the SAM hours and got to explore Seattle in a new way.

I envy this girl in the video. I want to experience what she's experiencing. She's traveling around the world in a carefree manner and living the life and exploring the world God has provided for us to absorb, swish around within us for a little while, and then regurgitate that into a new beautiful contribution to the world that is a part of what we took in, but also something from within us that makes us who we are, added into it morphing it into something better and something that is "ours." I try every day to find some way to do that because it makes me feel so good and alive. I also feel that way when I listen to music. When an amazing piece of music enters my ears it's almost a euphoric feeling that occurs deep within me, allowing me to have the most wonderful feelings run through my veins. It's addicting, listening to music and experiencing that.

In addition to the beginning part and the video, I enjoy the lyrics as well. I enjoy the thought of someone pursuing me like that and seeing our potential in that manner. What girl doesn't? Some of the lyrics go a bit stalkerish (I don't want that!) but for the most part, I enjoy the story. Here are the lyrics:

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me

It's like a book elegantly Bound, but in a language that you can't read - just yet

You gotta spend some time--love, I will possess your heart (x2)

There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass

And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last

You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart (x2)

I will possess your heart (x2)

You reject my advances and desperate pleas

I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart (x3)

I will possess your heart (x2)

Roman Art from the Louvre exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum

2008-05-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to one of the last days of the Roman Art from the Louvre exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum. Here I have a joint membership with one of my best friends Kai and we both love art and enjoy the museum. I've been to this exhibit already with Rachael but we had other intentions on top of seeing the exhibit, which was to attend a lecture on how Opera and Roman art/times intertwine. So we kind of flew through the exhibit first and didn't really have time to read everything about each piece. I was kind of disappointed, but I knew I'd go back. So two nights ago (wednesday night) I decided to go to see it again, however when I arrived they were closed. (I had thought it was thursday when I was looking at the times of operation and they close at 5 except for Thurs-Sat they close at 9pm). Needless to say, I was frustrated but tried to make the best of being in downtown Seattle on a beautiful day by myself. The museum is down the street from Pike Place and close to the main downtown so I grabbed a coffee, put Death Cab for Cutie in my ears and walked the streets of the city trying to take in everything around me. I tried to notice every detail that i don't normally see when I'm with a group of friends. I walked around the city for about 3 hours (30 min. was spent at Barnes & Noble) and then headed back to my car re-energized from my adventure and imagry that still was fresh in my memory. Then on Friday I decided to try again and was successful in getting in. But of course I realized as I was walking up, that I left my membership card in my car. Cool Amy. Fast talking and many apologies got me my ticket into the exhibit.

I learned a lot about the Roman government, emperors, citizenship, religion, and non-citizens. Most of the art was about the emperors and so I learned about Augustus, Tiberius, Caligula, etc. and I think what helped me understand the most was a big family/emperor tree that was present when you first walk into the main room as seen in the photo above. I didn't realize there was such a struggle for power, which led inevitably to deceit, murder, and plot after plot to get rid of the person in power. Sounds like a very paranoid life...being an emperor. But rewarding I'm sure. Also what I thought was interesting was that the emperor was usually regarded as divine like a god as well as the leader. He would wear a veil and would act as priest, sacrificing bulls among other things. Anyways, I had a great time and found it to be very educational as well as inspiring.

"On them I have set no limits, space or time: I have granted them power, empire without end."

-Virgil Aeneid 1.278-279

trying too hard

2008-05-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

I think I try to hard with this whole blogging thing. I read other people's blogs and I think, "man that was really insightful," and then I look at my blog and see ramblings of nothing. Then the next time I feel like blogging I'm sitting here putting enormous amounts of pressure on myself to write something complete and intelligent, but then not feeling good about my entry topic and scraping the whole session. I'm quite annoyed with myself. I know I'm not the most amazing storyteller or writer in the world so I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself right? I mean, I'm a designer. I'm hard on myself in that area, as I should be, but this...this isn't something I should be worrying about. Right.

26th birthday

2008-05-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Lately it's been kind of weird because I've become very aware of my singleness. It has never really bothered be before or I've never been one of those people who think about that sort of thing all day and night until they find someone, so it's interesting that I'm noticing it now. I guess maybe now that I've just turned 26 and am feeling older, I've been thinking about it more. I've been seeing people who are dating or married and thinking about how I can't wait to be in that place - I'm ready. In the past years I've always been open to the idea of being in a long-term relationship but it just hasn't happened. I don't like to put myself in strategic positions where I can talk to that person or just "happen" to see him in random places like the mall or coffee shop. I mean, I definitely notice guys and know I am attracted to a certain type of guy, but calling them and pursuing them isn't something I think is my job. I've always thought that if they were interested in who I am or at least in learning more about me, they would pursue me. I do pray for my future husband though. In high school, some kids from my youth group and some leaders went on a youth trip down to LA to a youth evangelism conference called "DCLA." There we were introduced to a new sister brother duo who was called "LaRue." Natalie and Phil became our new favorite musicians. We all felt a connection to their music and got a chance to talk to them personally and get photographs with them. They have a song called "Someday" and the lyrics read:

I don't know if you're near or far away But I know that I'm thinking of you today I don't know if I even know your name But I know that I'm praying for you just the same.

Someday we'll fall in love You'll be mine, and I will be yours Our hearts will be one And our love will ever endure

And I'll need you, and I'll want you And I'll find you someday Then I'll love you, then I'll hold you Then I'll be with you always

Our love will be so strong and pure You will make me feel like I have never felt before You will be perfect only for me You will make these eyes begin to see

Someday we'll fall in love You'll be mine and I will be yours Our hearts will be one And our love will ever endure

Your faith in the Lord will be strong Even though I know the wait it long And though I'm young I still believe That you're out there praying for me

So I believe that God will provide me with the right person in His time and I am a very patient person. I guess until that happens I will continue living the life God has blessed me. I think that God has me doing something that I would never be able to do if I were married. That might be lame but maybe...just maybe. :)

Ebey's Landing Adventure

2008-04-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

Rachael and I decided to go on an adventure and she brought up the idea of going to Ebey's Landing for a hike. Here are some photos and the story below:

Here is a little map:

So, in order to get there we decided to leave our car in Mukilteo, walk onto the ferry, take the free transit 45 minutes north, and walk the mile to Ebey's Landing. Once we got there, we did the 3ish mile hike along the edge of the landing and then when we got to the end we did the same distance back on the beach. Once we were done, we had to do the same trip in reverse but it was all super fun. Total distance: 6 miles of walking/hiking. We saw a lot of interesting people on the bus and enjoyed listening in on people's conversations. It was actually impossible NOT to listen to people talk because the bus was one of those short little buses. It turned out to be a beautiful day and amazing views. We took a photo with our tattoos because as we were taking a rest towards the top and looking out over the water and Olympic mountains, we were just discussing how lucky we are to be living where we live. We have the ocean within 10 minutes, the mountains where we can ski or hike within 1 hour, the country/valley with farms and fields 10 minutes away, and then the urban downtown city of Seattle 20 minutes away. The air is so clear and wonderful, the trees are green in the spring and summer and then beautiful golds and reds in the fall, the mountains are crisp and literally surround us, and the city is surrounded by water and bridges making it impossible not to be active outdoors.

We reflected on why this is one of the amazing things about being alive and a creation of God. God created all we see before us and it is overwhelming. So we lifted our arms and read our arms "L'Chaim!" Our tattoos come from a book we all went through at a summer family camp. The book is called "We Drink from the Cup" by Henry Nouan. The phrase is Hebrew and is traditionally a Jewish toast, meaning "to life." To us it means the same thing but also that we aren't going to appreciate the good things in life without experiencing and learning from the bad experiences in life. Without the bad, the good wouldn't be so good. So, we toast everything about life, the good and the bad. We all have gone through horrible things in our lives that have tested us and tried our trust in God, but we wouldn't be who we are had we not overcome and learned something from that experience in hopes of being a better person. Growing deeper and strengthening our faith in God. So, with that said...."L'Chaim!"

Delphine St.Clair 1919-2008

2008-04-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

My grandma St.Clair passed last night, Tuesday April 21, 2008 at about 6 p.m. at the hospital on Pacific in Everett, WA. She had a sore on her leg initially which led to an infection and they were contemplating amputation. She then went to the hospital Thursday April 17th, because her kidneys also started to fail. They told family that grandma had about 24-48 hours but managed to hold on until last night. All of the family flew/drove in from various states and cities to be with one another and to be here for the funeral.

My brother is going to be a pallbearer along with other grandsons. I am going to be reading scripture at the funeral, along with Maddie. I'm not sure what we're reading, my aunts chose them already. I kind of wish I could have chosen...although I guess that's a lot of pressure. I still don't know what i'm going to wear. I never have anything to wear...I don't really know why that is. Clothes just don't really fit me the right way and I always feel uncomfortable in most things. Oh well. Anyways, my dad's side of the family is Catholic so we are having sort of a mass for the funeral. It should be interesting seeing as though I've never been to a mass before. I'm kind of anxious about the whole thing, but it'll be ok. I'll post after the funeral if I have interesting things to say.

Here is a photo I took of her during some family event up at the house. She was getting out of the car because she lived in a nursing home so someone had to go pick her up and bring her:

...little bird i invite you.

2008-04-23T10:54:00.001-07:00

I just thought I'd elaborate more on the title of my blog. It is a piece of the lyrics from the song "Antlers" by the Microphones. The lyrics are as follows:

little bird i invite you, build your nest

little bird, i've got branches above my head

sway with me aimlessly, walk over mountains high

find winter nights with me, hang in your hammock high over me and over flight and all fright

to me

pick up your hands and become reindeers or maybe a storm

be pleasant be glassy be born

go ahead be the bird in my horns

come with me

When i heard this song for the first time all this imagery flooded my head and so I drew out some of what I saw in my head and it's on my bulletin board at work with some of the lyrics on it.

To me, when I hear the words and when I feel moved by the music itself I feel alive and inspired. That doesn't happen with every song of theirs but this one specifically.

Seattle Public Library

2008-04-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

...is where I am currently. Every time I come here I feel overwhelmed and so small. The architecture here is quite amazing and innovative. I've heard a lot of people describe it as cold and too industrial but that's the point I think.

The Library was designed by Dutch architect Rem Koolhaas and finished in 2004.

On the 1st floor of the new Seattle Central Library is artist Ann Hamilton's Floor of Babble. The floor is comprised of backward letters in foreign languages that record the first lines of the library's foreign-book collection.

Headaches

2008-04-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me how much pressure I put on myself when choosing things to write about. It's like I'm telling myself that my other thoughts aren't important enough to be read by...well, only me. Which is even more ridiculous. Anyways, I have a headache...again. I think every day since high school I get a headache. Most of the time they are mild, annoying things but about 2/3 of the time they are fairly painful. Because I've had them so long, I've learned to just endure the pain and not take medicine but sometimes I just need to take something. I feel that people think taking so much medicine isn't good for me, but they don't have to feel the ache that I do. I'd told my doctor about it and she seems to think it's related to my jaw. It clicks a lot when I chew and I think there's an official name for it, but the repetition of doing that causes a headache. While I think that's what happens sometimes, a lot of the time I'm positive I didn't get a headache from that. I probably have a tumor or something. I've always secretly thought I did, but am too chicken to suggest it at the doctor. So my new apartment. I've been living there for a little over two months and it still doesn't quite feel like home yet. Plus I don't like that I don't know anyone in the area to hang out with or see randomly in a grocery store. I love that about Everett. I can go into any store or Starbucks, etc and usually see someone I know. Most of the time I find myself avoiding the person so I don't have to make small talk but I still enjoy knowing they're there. I know that I only really moved out here because it was close to work and Seattle, and I thought this might be my only chance to really live out here but i don't seem to be taking advantage of it like I thought I would. That's something I really need to work on. Like going to the SAM, seattle library, coffee shops, etc. Also, I don't have a lot of money to buy things that will make my apartment feel more comfy so that's been a little problem. I just have to buy a little at a time until I have the things I need. I just don't like having to wait!

New begingings

2008-04-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

These past couple months have felt like new beginnings to my life. It's kind of funny how if you were able to take on a new perspective of your life, it's so easy to see the different chapters that occur. I'm sure everyone has used this analogy at some point and at the risk of being cliche I think it's so helpful sometimes to think of our lives like a book. And of course, each chapter of our lives entail some journey we've embarked on and things that we've accomplished that have allowed us to continue on to a new chapter. And since I've just officially moved out of my parents house, I feel like this has been a new beginning to great chapter. I say it's great because I only have high hopes that God will bring good things to my life. At the time they may not always appear to be good or even welcomed but in the end, extremely important and stretching. I find that I always have to remind myself of one of God's promises that has comforted me in the darkest and also the happiest times of my life, "...fear not for I am with you." So, with these words and high hopes, I embrace new beginnings and look forward to great things and hope to share those in this journal.